The Gift of Death and Grieving

There’s no doubt about it. Death jolts is awake. Ironic, isn’t it?

This week stirred up a lot of sorrow and wake up calls. I am glad.

When my mom passed in May 2018 everything changed. I didn’t have the same tolerance for things. That deep loss and pain woke me up. Her passing made me realize life is too short to be unhappy.
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I was high functioning in the grief, and in a way I had to be. I was not happy in my marriage and had two young kids and a business that required my presence.
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Grief showed up on the sidewalk corner in the middle of a run. Sorrow clouded my mind and unable to focus on the task in front of me. Sadness was limited to when the kids went to bed and I wept myself to sleep. Watching someone take their last breath made most of the things people were talking about at Whole Foods feel so insignificant.

I wanted to be honest and transparent about how I was feeling while respecting her wishes to remain private.

Interestingly I was told around that same time that I was grieving by a few business and social media gurus to be more upbeat in my posts and that would “get” me more followers. Essentially telling me I was being a downer.

The truth at that time and even more so now is I don’t need to “get” anything. I don’t need to rush. What we do need is honesty. And love. Lots of love.

Because what I’ve learned from my moms death, and many other deaths, we will never regret slowing down to love who’s right in front of us. There’s nothing to get. But there is love to be in.
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Do I love this life I am living? Do I love myself? Do I love others?

I weep as I type this because THIS is how my mom lived her life. She LOVED. And grief is sacred because it means I loved.
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I remember the day she called to tell me she had finally made the decision to stop treatment and die. I asked her how she was feeling. Her response was, “I’m sad because I don’t want to go, I just want to keep loving you. I’ve loved you since you were in my belly, each of you kids. That is when my love began.” ⠀⠀

Use the grief as a wakeup call to stay present to the preciousness of your life, the good, the annoying, the happy, the challenging, versus fading into the fog. Allow the grief to be a reminder to slow down and love what is RIGHT HERE.